A day in Retiro Park

The other day Meredit, Riley, and I had the opportunity to hang out and/or exercise at the hottest spot in Madrid. Pues nada, Check it out. Vale?

Naughty Norte

As if being in Spain weren't enough, we get to go on vacations within a vacation.


Our first stop of the trip was this little town called Coca, boy did we start off with a bang. Pictured above are the three boys that thought that taking a picture with them meant we wanted to have their offspring. They followed us around liked diseased little rodents, while doing explicit gestures expecting us to give ourselves to them. When that didn't work one of them flashed us with his crown jewel. Aren't we lucky?

We got to go to the cathedral of León, where they had some of the most beautiful stained glass I have ever seen. Stay with me here, I'm thinking this could go in my master bathroom.

I know it doesn't look like much of a difference, but we went from a 4 star hotel ( the one with the bed I was actually willing to pose on) to a roach infested 2 star the next. The Hotel España felt like a Juvi, don't tease me with these upscale hotels just to get slapped in the face with a place that most likely gave me bedbugs.

Some of the highlights of the trip included eating at a kebab place that had the only delicious food in Burgos. We loved it so much we came back to Ali Baba not once, but twice. A little of it had to do with that fact that the owner had a slammin bod and he looked like a demi god. The picture unfortunately doesn't do him justice, but just trust me.

Dance party in the moldy hallway of our hotel. Included are the Holbrook kids shakin what Deb and Landes gave them, and music from a sole i pod touch that was easily drowned out from just talking.

I'll let the Catedral de Burgos do the talking for this one.

Useful tips for Madrid nightlife

1. Being American is like being the golden snitch. As soon as they hear those Anglo-Saxon words come out of your mouth, expect to be as popular as Obama or the McDonald's emblem. Don't ask me why, maybe they just know we are as superior like we already know we are.

2. Be prepared to be overwhelmed by the amount of beautiful men. Now this city is not for the frumpy people of the world, 8 out of 10 boys could be doing an Armani campaign at this moment. What are the Spaniard people doing to create such physically beautiful people? Unfortunately, the other 2 of the 10 boys will be ugly, but that won't stop them from creeping on you countless times, just because you happened to glance in their general direction for a split second.

3. Get ready to smell like sweat/smoke/sin/alcohol. I thought I had some idea of how to party, but apparently by small town ways are as conventional as the pony express. We got to Kapital around 12:30, a decent party hour most people would say. I guess we Americans have a different idea of late, most people didn't get there till at least 1:30. Just be aware if you want to actually see people at the club you should arrive no earlier than the time just stated. Another tip, If you want to look cool you HAVE TO dance with a cig in one hand, and your preferred alcoholic beverage in the other. I can't even tell you how many times I got burned by the end of a cigarette when I was dancing.

4. Have enough stamina to dance until 5:30 in the morning. If you leave at three you might as well not even show up. Luckily by that time you forget all about the fact that you feel like a homeless man that's been rained on. Side effects include: glazed eyes, incoherent thoughts, willingness to do anything for a bed, bad breath, and if you're lucky, a regretful decision.

5. Avoid looking like you've been run over by the end of the night. Even if you don't consume any liquor, you still manage to feel slightly hungover the next day. Don't expect to leave the house the following day, so you can burn your clothes and maybe get a toxic shower. Will I ever do this again? I've already picked out my outfit for next weekend.

Holy Toledo!

Iglesia of Toledo

Holy Toledo is right my friends. This little city looks like something off the Lord of the Rings, anyone who's anyone knows that that makes it legitimately awesome. We saw a bunch of beautiful churches like the one above, of course we couldn't take any pictures, but trust me when I say I'm pretty sure there was a handful of dead priests in some rooms that were "off limits." Did I mention the amount of gold that was used in the decor? A handful of that would make me richer than the sultan.

Sure history is important, but you can't pass up a torture museum when it presents itself before you.

There Meredith and I are climbing up to Mordor, and for your viewing pleasure a panoramic pic of Toledo in all it's beauty. We finished our frigid experience going into a panaderia that was known for its Marzipan. It was good, but our bambas con nata (heavenly cream filled pastry) was like eating a perfect fluffy white cloud in the sky.

I'm going to the dirrtty south tomorrow for a week, it's going to be tizight!

Did anyone catch my reference to a certain Disney movie? You'll forever have my heart if you did.

Madrid, You da best I ever had

I thought I knew what love was, until Madrid came along. Everything about this city wreaks of coolness. I never want to leave. The architecture is breathtaking, the food is mouthwatering, and the hombres are caliente. Everyday is a new adventure, whether it be taking the bus and seeing all the senior citizens cursing out the bus driver for driving too slow, or getting pushed by strangers into the subway like a sardine, and getting felt up by an old man. What a beautiful life I'm living.

The other day we went into the city, where we went to a chocolateria and had churros and hot chocolate. Now that I'm writing it, however, hot chocolate isn't an accurate description of what it was. It was literally melted chocolate in a cup. It was so thick that everytime I attempted to drink it I would be dehydrated from how rich it was. Take a look for yourself.

I'm more than excited to see what else Madrid has to offer, and believe me when I say I'm going to explore the crap out of this city. Mark my words.

Goodbye my sweet Provho

Ah 2010, another year begins. I actually realized how much i despise this holiday. Maybe it's because I shut down like a robot at the thought of change, or because nothing I've ever done on this armpit of a holiday has ever been awesome/fun/with a boy. Enough of this crap, let's get down to the true reason of this post.

Yes the rumors are true, this little girl is on her way back to where the Noguera legacy all began. A city where the liquor is like agua and where the men will basically molest you with their eyes (but i guess that's true for most European cities).

Madrid

Isn't it beautiful? If i could cheat on Provo with another city this would be it. So stay tuned senoras y senores, (which I'm pretty confident is only senoras that read this) oh and i have yet to figure out how to do the accent mark on the keyboard, another mystery in my life that i will not care enough to figure out.

Try to restrain yourself like I am

This is making me reconsider hanging out at high schools.







And becoming a creepy cougar.